i was in a lecture room overlooking the halifax harbour. the lecture was on farming and different methods in farming (yes, i been playin too much farmville on facebook). all of a sudden i noticed these killer whales in the harbour, jumping/breaking and playing. there were different sizes too. i was kinda excited to see killer whales this deep into the harbour but other people appeared unmoved. after the whales, hippos started swimming and wading up the harbour. these were huuuge-ass hippos too. next giant alligators passed through. it was an amazing sight but at the same time i was nervous because all these creatures started lining up a la noah's ark and i thought some 2012 adventure was about to begin.

by this time the lecture was over and i realized that in my excitement i had missed some notes so i had to borrow someone else's. the guy i borrowed from was from my highschool in trini. just as i was about to finish the notes someone brought a baby cow into the room. it came up to see what i was doing, sniffed the paper i was writing on and then ate it. i was surprised at what the calf did but couldn't get angry coz it was way too cute. then it burped. then i woke up.

this morning i dreamt that my parents were a white couple and i had been adopted..or something, but i knew who my birth parents were and didn't feel comfortable calling these other folks "mummy" and "daddy" but i still felt connected to them somehow.

they wanted to do something for me - take care of me, drive me somewhere - but i ran away from home and stopped on a bridge to rest and think about what to do next.

my white mother found me and tried to console me, then my white father drove up in an old car and we both went in. he told me about their hardships with money and how i should give them a chance. i didn't think i was being mean or unfair, and i wanted to tell him that they weren't the only ones with financial hardships and that i also experienced such hardships in my life, but i couldn't. i didn't feel like i HAD to tell them...i didn't feel like i had to justify or compare myself to them, so i started to cry.

and i woke up crying.

this morning i dreamt that i was back home in trinidad and had to write an exam at trent university but was late. somehow trent was situated in port-of-spain and i felt like i was going back to st mary's. i had to travel to get there...first take a taxi to the kfc by the flyover then take a maxi-taxi into the capital. the taxi dropped me off way past the flyover and took $3, but i asked the driver for a dollar back and started to walk towards that main intersection to get a maxi. i was more than an hour late for this exam and really stressin.

at that point i thought, 'wtf i'm no longer in school! i don't have to write that exam.' and i woke up.

to get away from city drama i'm visitin an ex in lindsay. ha ha. i'm annoyed already.

i always think it will be different every time i come back here but really..i shouldn't have these expectations. i never learn. gotta humble myself..

god..the people from ptbo downey house (or however the hell u spell it) are infiltrating lindsay!!!! and of course they're supported by folks here. sigh. u know, i'd actually forgotten what it was like to be asked stupid shit by white ppl about my "background".. 

anyway, the best thing so far? kawartha dairy ice cream. moose tracks babey!

post-pride identity crisis! eek.
should i have been on the west indian (indigo vibes) float instead of the south asian one..? agh!

don't get me wrong..i did enjoy being on the float i was on, and i loved the music (which i provided btw, uhthank u very much) but indigo vibes looked like it was more organized. things seemed more in place. they also had these sexy yellow and royal blue carnival costumes that u could purchase/rent and it looked way more fun. and chill.

so much more chill.

shit am i betraying something here? maybe the grass AND ass are a lil bit greener..?
fuckit. i saw someone dressed up all south-asian-like on the indigo vibes float and i'm pretty sure they played a lil chutney for her.

the white dj on the float i was on didn't play the chutney i had on the cds. and he only played one tamil song. not that i blame him. i mean, he is white..he didn't play 'maa da laadla' from dostana either..but i won't get into that.

hm..instead of being the token south asian drag queen (a term i'm starting to identify with less and less) i think i'd rather be the token south asian representation in a queer caribbean scene. cough*gigs*cough

anyway it sucks that a lot of shit needs to be purchased to have the float in the first place, but i hope next year's costume/donation requirement isn't as expensive, so unemployed and under-employed queermos from the caribbean can also participate.

sheesha needs her own float.

that is all.
:)

p.s. there i am, at around 3:30, on the asaap float

tried chicken for fhe first time yesterday.
it was goooooood..
it was hakka style..and i just had one small piece..but yeah. it was yummy.
it had a funny texture and was kinda sticking to the teeth..but still. it was yummy!

free..?

full of advertising and
fucked up.

..fashion.

sigh.

next monday
buddies in bad times theatre
stimulAsian 2
sheesha and her hookahs!

happy belated diwali! i enjoyed it this year...i lime with veena and her friends from school and feel like a fool coz i was the older bhaiya fal-in with them, but say what...i enjoyed the food and the khurma and the old talk.

oh yea, so friday was halloween. din't wear a costume. just wore makeup and a sparkly kameez top and went for a walk downtown with peeps.

next week is the trans conference! i'm doin chaiya chaiya with A on saturday night. excited! and also badi mushkil from lajja and namak from omkara...or something. solo. aagh! i hadda practice!

what else..have an interview with ocasi on wednesday. allyuh pray for me that i get the job nah..

in the meantime..

(as usual the subtitles not all that, but u get the general meanin...)

i'm siiiick!!! well, i'm just gettin over being sick...i think the cold virus has been quelled (fresh ginger-chilli tea!) and now my body is expellin the excess mucus through the mouth, nose and eyes in this extremely sexy manner. the usual.

housewarming party on saturday! theme - bollywood sci-fi...along the likes of 'love story 2050', 'krrish', etc.
i'm wearin z's furry, sparkly red dress in an attempt to be bipasha. or priyanka. or somebody.
oh...that means i have to straighten my hair! har.

damn, i need batts for the camera..!

work is good, but i need more hours!

trans conference in peterborough next month!

we finally have internet, but i don't yet have a monitor so i have to keep waitin till i could use my computer in my room.

tonight is besharam. is $15 cover...ugh. plenty ppl doh like it coz it full of shiny-shinies who sometimes end up harassin women, homos and trans peeps, but i never been so is worth it. i dunno...that is shitty logic. pre-drinking will help :)

happy navratri!

have a youtube video...

the asian arts freedom school both excites and frightens me. people there are so creative and talented but it's also lil bit intimidating.

being around such talent and creativity is super-inspiring and i want to get involved, but most of it is centred around written expression. i would like to incorporate dance somehow. i can express my story with dance, and as fucked up as a lot of bollywood shit is, it has been and continues to be a culturally significant role in my life and is a major part of my story.

so yeah, daaaance!!
apparently maybe next cycle.

in the meantime, i could prolly be inspired to write something..maybe as a prologue..?

for those who weren't aware, i'm now living in toronto. bloor and ossington.

the move was stressful and more expensive than i thought it would be, but i survived it and fell like i'm settling in. i need to find a cool west indian community. And i think there's a mandir not far from here on bloor..?

also, i have a job. i i'll be doing science programming for young children at a community centre. yay.